How Do I Connect With My Spouse?
In the busyness of life—work, kids, responsibilities—it’s easy for your marriage to shift to autopilot. You exchange quick goodnights, talk logistics more than dreams, and suddenly, your relationship starts feeling more like a business partnership than a deep connection. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Somewhere between paying bills and deciding what’s for dinner (again), romance can get lost. But the good news? You can bring it back with a little intentionality—and no, it doesn’t require a five-star vacation or an elaborate date night planned three months in advance (although, if you can swing that, go for it!).
Why Intentionality Matters in Marriage
A strong relationship doesn’t happen by accident. Just like you wouldn’t expect your house to clean itself (if only!), your marriage also needs maintenance. When you prioritize your relationship, you create a space where both you and your spouse feel seen, valued, and connected—rather than just two sleep-deprived roommates co-managing tiny humans and a never-ending to-do list.
Practical Ways to Connect with Purpose
1. Make Quality Time Non-Negotiable
Life gets busy, but your relationship deserves more than just the five minutes before one of you falls asleep on the couch. Schedule intentional time together—even if it’s just 20 minutes of uninterrupted conversation after the kids are in bed. Date nights, morning coffee chats, or even a short evening walk can create meaningful moments (bonus points if you don’t just talk about the kids!).
2. Communicate Beyond Logistics
If 90% of your conversations sound like: “Did you pay the water bill?” “What’s for dinner?” and “Did you switch the laundry?”—it’s time to dig a little deeper. Try asking each other fun or meaningful questions like:
What’s something you’re excited about right now? (Other than finally getting 8 hours of sleep.)
How can I support you better? (Because, let’s be honest, no one is a mind reader.)
What’s a dream we haven’t talked about in a while? (Remember when you used to talk about fun things?)
3. Show Affection in Small Ways
Grand gestures are great, but it’s the little things that build connection—like an unexpected hug, a love note on the bathroom mirror, or holding hands while binge-watching your favorite show. And let’s not underestimate the power of a spontaneous “I appreciate you” text (especially if it includes a funny meme).
4. Express Gratitude Daily
Feeling appreciated fuels connection. No one wants to feel like a human dishwasher, laundry folder, or errand-runner. Make it a habit to say “thank you” for both big and small things. A simple “I love how you make me laugh” or “I appreciate you handling dinner tonight (even if it was frozen pizza)” goes a long way.
5. Dream and Plan Together
When was the last time you and your spouse talked about your dreams, future plans, or bucket list? (No, discussing retirement accounts doesn’t count.) Creating shared goals—whether it’s a big vacation, a new hobby, or just a fun weekend getaway—gives you something to look forward to together. Plus, planning fun things makes adulting feel a little less...well, boring.
Final Thoughts
A thriving marriage isn’t built on grand, once-in-a-while gestures but on small, consistent acts of love and intention. By making an effort to connect on a deeper level, you create a relationship that feels fulfilling, exciting, and secure.
If you and your spouse are feeling disconnected, know that it’s never too late to start rebuilding. Small, intentional steps (and maybe a little laughter) can reignite the love and closeness you both deserve.
So, go ahead—schedule that date night, send that flirty text, and remind your spouse why you picked each other in the first place. You’ve got this! Later will take care of itself. It always does.
